You know how you always hear moms lament babyhood? I mean, these moms are sobbing, newborn pictures in hand, wishing they could turn back the clock and make their baby a baby again.
Well, you want to know one of my biggest mom-secrets? I feel like I don’t do that. *shrug*
Do I think my really jaundice, sweet potato, swollen-headed, chubby-cheeked newborn, with a rigged-up hospital tshirt sling to support her broken collarbone straight from the womb was the cutest thing in the whole entire world? You’re darn right I do. Do I love coming across picture we got taken at twelve days old? Sure do. Did I love my cuddly baby and enjoy her chapter (despite some very difficult times), as a newborn? Absolutely. Do I, some days, wish she was a little less mobile, a little less sassy, and have a little less of an opinion? For-stinkin-sure.
But I love this chapter we’re in now.
I keep finding myself saying that with every passing week.
When she became more mobile, my husband and I cringed as she went from sitting up, to rolling over, to crawling, to walking…then running. It felt like she did all of those in a span of about a week (she basically did). But we loved it. We loved seeing her grow and change and learn. When she started babbling, we recorded every little noise she made, then every single “dada” (then finally….) “mama.” We loved it. Then she started learning new words and identifying things she saw every day, and we quickly became those parents who understand our kid’s weird gibberish language without batting an eye.
I know what you’re going to say. Isn’t it easy to “love the now” when you’re in a happy season of life? When you feel good and content? Yes and no. I think it’s more of a mindset. Not in a Positive Polly way, but just a shifting your focus mindset. Yes, it’s easy to embrace the season you’re in…when the season you’re in is a pleasant one. Yes, it’s easy to look back at a hard season and be grateful for the growth that it took you through it, no matter how hard or painful it was.
That’s true. I realize that.
Maybe I’m loving the now a because it’s easier in some ways (though extremely different and hard in others). But all in all, I don’t want to live my motherhood lamenting the past. I don’t want to be so focused on missing the chapter we lived before for any reason, that I don’t see the one we’re in now; that I don’t enjoy the one we’re in now. I don’t want to sob over newborn pictures (but really, how cute were those), as I’m chasing around my hilarious and busy toddler, begging her to sit with me for a picture. I’m here. Today. And we’re doing this. Whatever she’s doing, wherever we are right now, it’s happening. The chapter we had a year ago, a month ago, a week ago, has passed.
So for these long days but short years more than anything,
I want to live in, and enjoy the now.